Saturday, February 27, 2010

the sweetest giraffe.

My favorite clip from the movie Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa. such a sweet message :)



No, no that's not it. Listen Mototo, you'd better treat this lady like
a queen. Because you, you my friend... have found the perfect woman. If
I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman, I would give her flowers
every day. And not just any flowers, okay? Her favorites are orchids.
White. And I would bring her bre
akfast every day. Six loaves of wheat
bread with butter on both sides. No crusts. Just the way she likes it.
I'd be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend. And I'd spend every
day thinking of ways to make her laugh. She has the most... amazing
laugh. That's what I would do, if I were you. But I'm not. So you do

Moto Moto:
Uhhh... What? Aaaanyways, where were we?

[sigh] I'm huge?

Friday, February 26, 2010

The Goal is Worth the Pain

I've read somewhere that in order to be happy in life, you have to avoid comparing yourself to others, because as they say, you never know the problems they carry. I do believe in that, and i try, as much as i possibly can, to practice that attitude. But at one point or another, i get these thoughts that maybe, justice, or fairness, or whatever it should be called, just doesn't apply equally to people.

All my life all i did was to try and make everyone i love happy. I sure can't, and I will never be able to do it. Too bad it took more than 2 decades of my life for me to realize that I have been trying to prove myself too much. For the first time in my life i refused to do what i was told, simply because i could never do it. I do not have the strength, or courage to give it up. And for just one single moment that i said YES to myself, the rest of the world that I have grown to know, turned its back on me.

This whole week i have spent my days at home, lying in bed in my regressed position, crying, thinking of any reason to look forward to the next day. I was HOPELESS. I try to think of all the good, exciting plans that i have kept in the corners of my mind, and nada! nothing.. i see nothing but a blank wall ahead of me. I was so scared-- afraid that for the first time, i had the courage to end everything. I knew something was wrong with me. I was too depressed about everything that has been happening, and could no longer think of a solution to any of it, no, not one.I had this feeling that nothing would ever get better. I just kept on sinking, and sinking, and sinking.

The worse part, is that i knew exactly how to execute the dark thoughts that fogged my mind. I kept praying for God to make things lighter for me to bear. I sleep, and wake up to that hollow feeling that's slowly eating me from within. I stayed in bed almost the whole day each day, trying to find the littlest strength left in me to stand up and eat, or drink. I was being drained by my sorrow.

Then for some reason, i saw this little book that i havent been able to read for quite some time. I opened and read the message for that day.

"we are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in will be worth it all when we see Jesus"..

I paused for a while and thought about what i've read, but as stubborn as i was, i refused to relate it with what i was feeling. i turned the pages while i stared blankly at each leaf, as if i was still looking for an answer to anything. finally, i stopped..

"Love SUFFERS long and is kind; love does not envy; love DOES NOT parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks NO EVIL; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears ALL things, believes all things, hopes all things, ENDURES all things. LOVE NEVER FAILS" 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

love will never fail. no matter how hard the problem may be, love, as true as it is, will never lose. In the end there will be no more tears, only new found strength. Our goal of happiness will be achieved, and all this pain will be worth it.

i believe..:)


the dream journal

I have always been a dreamer, literally. When i was younger, I thought everyone had their share of vivid, bizarre, out of this world dreams, just like the ones i often had. But then, as i grew older, and got to talk to more people about my dreams, their reactions kind of implied that it was not AS common AS i thought. Some of my friends even say that they NEVER have dreams. tsk. quite sad i think.

At the age of 10, i bought this book about lucid dreaming. it talks about being able to create a dream and control it while you're having it. it sounded way cool for me. since i often dreamt of flying..or eating a land made of chocolate..or transforming into my favorite sailor soldier (hehe). i wanted to have that skill of living inside my dreams--of being able to do exactly what i wanted while i was in it, and not waking up just as i reached its peak. but then, it required a LOT of time and practice.. I remember, it kind of instructs a person to list down his/her dream every morning upon waking up, and concentrating really, really REALLY hard at night before falling asleep. I was too young and too lazy to do it. how about now? well, yes i'm no longer young, but im still lazy. haha.

so i just enjoyed the random dreams. most of which are filled with so much, and i mean soooooo much emotions that i wake up feeling angry, or excited, or devastated, and quite disoriented to reality, while some come as warnings.. which i never realize until I've been struck by what it was supposed to warn me about. (boo)

that's why im going to start writing down as many dreams as i can remember. for entertainment, for documentation, for records, for whatever. i just want to write them here. So today i decided to turn this blog into some form of "dream journal"-- my dream journal. :)